July 4, 2011: Looking forward to chemo

Is it Tuesday?

I think it is. No, I know it is.

But only because I checked.

But sometimes, I feel that time no longer has the same boundaries as it used to.

When did this whole nightmare start? Just a week ago? Maybe a few more days, maybe a few less.

The test from yesterday was “good.” So now we need to go to Tel Aviv for another test. And then after that, another.

What an odd concept that we are actually eager to get to chemo. Chemo makes you sick. My Mom went through it just this year. (Yeah, the Frankl family has become way too familiar with cancer.) It makes you sick. It makes your hair fall out. It causes all sorts of problems because while it’s killing cancer cells, it’s also killing everything else in sight.

But we are looking forward to chemo because that will mean we are one step closer to the end of this nightmare and maybe we can get our old lives back.

In an attempt to put just a fraction of order into our new lives I started running again.

Just a few kilometers to get my heart pumping.

At first I decided I would just jog since it’s been awhile.

But when I jog I have time to think and sometimes thinking too much about really bad things is a problem.

So I run fast. I run fast until my heart is beating, my breath is short, and I can work up a good sweat. I run fast enough so that it clears my mind and all I can think about for half an hour is the run. But not matter how fast I run, I cannot run away from the fact that the woman I love has cancer.

Sorry that this post turned into a bit of a downer. Let’s hope that we have some good news tomorrow, and I can write something funny.

I know that I should focus on what positive things I can do to help the situation.

And maybe I shall.

Tomorrow. I’m too tired now.

Wait — here is a pick me up. A wonderful comment was just put on yesterday’s post. Read this:

Dearest Stella and Yarden,

First of all- big bear hugs!! We love you and are davening for you!

As I read this shocking news..the picture that keeps coming in mind is of you, beautiful Stella lighting the torch on this past Yom Ha’atzmaut. I remember as they called each person up and when they called you, tears came to my eyes- you went up in your usual T”zanu’a way (modest) and lit your so deserving torch. I was so proud that I know you and was so happy that the yishuv chose you to honor us. Stella- I don’t get to see you much, each of us busy b”h but every time I see you or have a good shmooze with you- I’m in awe for days after.

Your sincere care for others is so obviously noticed- if it’s a good morning smile on your daily walk or some great life tips you have given at time of need. You somehow are always there at the right time and know just what to say…and always so soft spoken and so tzanu’a. I think at a time like this- we all have to learn from you and try emulate these traits of yours- your chessed and caring for others and your very modest behavior and softspoken voice- and in the zechut of us trying to become better people because of you may Hashem send you a Speeedy Refuah Shleima.

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