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Nothing Else?

“So close, no matter how far.”

Six notes. Six notes and six words. Six notes repeated in the background throughout the song. The song begins and ends with these notes played on a single acoustic guitar. Those six notes – to me – signify the rhythm of life.

The notes are interrupted – as all our lives are – by a new progression. The six notes are still there, but they sit in the back as the new theme becomes dominant.

But that’s what happens, right? Our lives go by -day after day – until something so big, so powerful comes along to demand all our attention. All our energy. All our strength. All our emotions.

I don’t listen to the song often – it’s way to powerful. But those first words will always ring true. That no matter where I am, Stella will be close to me, no matter how far.

It’s a song of longing, of sadness, of pain. And it’s a song of truth. It helps me own my emotions

“Forever, trusting who we are, and nothing else matters.”

That includes the anger. The white hot anger I still feel. Anger for her death. Anger for her suffering. And anger directed at those who I once trusted.

Never cared for what they say

Never cared for games they play

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know…

I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend that anger and hatred do no exist. They are a part of what makes us human. If I can’t feel anger and hate, can I truly feel love? It is similar to my belief that the intensity of experiencing death up close, makes you appreciate life that much more.

James Hetfield’s voice is powerful. Very few vocalists can match the power of the rest of their bands. But Hetfield can match the strongest guitar chords. In his voice you get all the emotions.

The song is not thrash, it’s not metal. Yet it made Metallica one of the most popular Metal bands in history. I think it’s because every one of us can identify with the music. And after, all, when we go below the surface of entertainment, we are using music to affirm ourselves. Yes – it is all right to FEEL. To let yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions. To turn your mind off and accept who you are. You don’t need to watch someone you love die to feel love-anger-hate-misery-elation.

A few weeks after Stella died, I met Gilly. You can read about that in the other blog. But I could not have written a better way to describe our relationship than:

Never opened myself this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words, I don’t just say

And nothing else matters

Because at the end of the day, you need to throw off the judgement of others. You need to live your own life and do what you know to be the right thing. And if others condemn you for your decisions, they don’t really matter, do they?

No – nothing else matters.

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